TribeTwelve

As I grew older, I lost contact with my friends who lived in the same neighborhood as me and my friends from elementary school. I made new friends in middle school, but after I graduated high school, most of my friends stopped communicating with me. I felt angry, delirious, and depressed. I felt like I was a monster. For 3 years afterwards, I suffered from anorexia and depression. I didn't make hardly any friends at my first college and I didn't do a great job staying in touch with the few I still had. One of my old friends died at 19, and I'm still haunted by his loss. About 18 months ago, I transferred to a different college and lived in an apartment. Life got even worse, my parents lost their jobs and I suffered from bulimia. Then I noticed by throat constantly burning. I went to numerous doctors and it was only until I had an upper endoscopy that I was diagnosed with GERD (acid reflux), a hiatal hernia, and irritable bowel syndrome. It was so painful that I wanted to end my life. The nurse practitioner told me to focus on fixing the hernia, but after a month of starving myself, I went back and the doctor said that I needed to focus on the Irritable Bowel Syndrome, since that was the root of the problem. I didn't manage my diet well and kept binging on chocolate. I was in so much pain that I only ate 700 calories worth of food on one day and ate 1900 the next. I was in so much pain that I called 911, but my mom took me to the hospital instead. The nurse practitioner changed my prescription, and told me to talk with a cardiologist, dietician, and counselor. I was having heart pain but the cardiologist said that nothing was wrong. I went to the dietician, who was relatively vague on how I could manage my symptoms, and when I went to talk with the counselor, they said they needed a referral from the doctor. I tried looking up information about IBS on the computer, but nothing seemed to help. I didn't know what was causing the IBS, and even though I took my medicine, the mental and physical pain was so maddening, but what pushed me over the edge was my parents being deaf to my woes. We hardly went on vacations anymore, I was being sexually harassed anytime I went to a bookstore, and constantly asked questions when I went into any store because strangers kept confusing me for an employee, worsening my self-esteem because I was unemployed. I became reclusive, and every friendship I made ended worse than the last. I couldn't go out to eat anymore because damn near all food at restaurants is fried. I couldn't take eating meals at home alone and not knowing what was causing my illness, so I decided to try killing myself. I left a note for my loved ones and headed out in my truck to a local store and overdosed on sleeping pills, thinking that I would die in my sleep. Turns out that it took way longer than I expected and I was dizzy but conscious the whole time. The police found me within 2 hours and took me to the hospital before I could try anything else to kill myself. I was in the hospital for 72 hours, (they call it a 1013 when you try to commit suicide) being watched by different people every 12 hours. My parents were by my side every day, and they were so happy that I was still alive, and I got to communicate better with them and others while I was there. Even though we live in a world where cameras are everywhere, people still appreciate hand drawn sketches. At the hospital I learned more about IBS, so I began working on fixing my diet there before being transferred to the Ridgeview Institute in Smyrna, GA. I spent 8 days there, getting to know other patients, learning about coping skills, and talking with the dietician there and Dr. Nkwocha. I'm going to make a Facebook account and form a group with several of the other patients since very few people understand / relate to the pains we've gone through. Along the way, I did a lot of things I regret; I believed I was a monster, so I acted like I was the thing that I feared the most. I hurt people psychologically, and I made my parents feel so much emotional pain. I wish I could have stopped myself from doing so much harm to the people I loved and admired the most. Despite all the stress I've had, I have no right to hurt others, and it's my responsibility to atone for my mistakes.

To all the groups I'm a part of, you can delete / remove all of the content I've submitted. I'd delete it all myself but I'm too much of a lazy bitch.
I'm sorry for every mistake I've made, but I'm not going to play the poor me game. I fucked up, but I'm only human, and I need to make things right.
I'm sorry.
-Margaret Joynson

-Seriously needs to make some legit TT fanart.-

Can I be a Co-Founder of this group?May someone please send me a request of being a Co-Founder,please?